Name
kareemah –

Question
Dear Sheikh, for over a couple of years now I deal with a severe depression. I feel worthless, stupid and useless. I also feel very lonely. Sometimes I think that being dead is better. How can I as a Muslimah learn to love and appreciate myself? I cry a lot and feel very unhappy. How can I get rid of my unstable behavior? Please help me. At the moment I have a counselor but a non-Muslim. I want to know how I can heal myself with the medicine of Allah. Jazaak Allah.

Answer
Sister Kareemah: Assalamu `alaykum,

There are several types of depressions. One is genetic in nature, so if there is a history of depression in your extended family, it makes the offspring more prone to depression. Another type of depression is reactive in nature; they result from on-going unpleasant events in life. Depending upon the origin, length and severity of depression, a treatment regimen is determined which may consist of medications as well as counseling and therapy.

Regardless of the origin of depression, if a person learns to change his/her ways of thinking and lives by healthy Islamic beliefs, it would bring internal strength to deal and cope with the disappointments of life. So, look at where is your depression coming from, and what are the messages you give yourself in your head that makes you feel depressed, continue to take properly prescribed medicine and seek counselling/therapy to help you examine your beliefs and change your ways of thinking and responding to events in life. Insha’Allah, it would begin to make you stronger to deal with your depression.

Name
AM – India

Question
Assalamu`alaykum Wa Rahmat Allah Wa Barakatuhu

OCD tends to be one of the difficult mental disorders to treat especially if obsessions are religious & sexual. The obsessions, the anxiety and the most difficult part the “feelings” which are indescribable and unbearable. It stays with the patient for days and sometimes even months are much difficult for the patient to cope with. It is a daily battle.

When an OCD patient cannot be at easy at whatever he does to help himself to face this demon. What shall he do? If the patient helps himself by the statements like “Allah will surely help me” “just be patient” etc., etc., All these statements backfire with more obsessions sticking on the statements. How a person will be at ease under these circumstances.

For other type of illness a patient can support himself by telling himself to be patient. But OCD does not allow that, you cannot be at peace with OCD. I know Allah does not give a soul more than it can bear. But if you ask an OCD patient what’s going on, he cannot describe. If medicines do not much help and if consistent prayers do not change the situation. What should one do??
Your comments please to handle or manage OCD. Thanks and best regards.

Answer
Dear Brother, Wa alaikum salaamu warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.

I truly feel for your situation. OCD truly is a debilitating mental illness. I have been dealing with a couple of these cases presently. As you said, it is often related to religious and sexual issues. Often, there is also sexual abuse or indulging into sexual pleasures in the history. There is also high degree of guilt associated with this history. The person is often trying to wash away his guilt or desperately trying to ward off evil. The condition often has severe effects on a person’s daily life.

However, by the Grace of Allah (SWT), it is treatable, although it takes a long time to treat it. But, if the patient sincerely follows the prescribed treatment regimen, which may consist of medication as well as psychotherapy, it helps bring the obsessions and compulsions under control.

I am not sure if you have received any psychotherapy for your condition. If not, please consult with an experienced counselor/psychologist locally. If one is not available, contact me at https://www.shifa.ca/. I will try to help you long distance through cyber counselling.

Hope this helps, Insha’Allah.

Name
fatin_ie –   library assistant

Question
Assalamualaikum. Thank you for your time reading my problem…
I’m a single woman who is 28 years old, not married and don’t have any boyfriend… about 3 years ago I was diagnosed by having mental problem… I’m suffering from schizophrenia… right now I’m working as a library assistant. From time to time I always think why I get schizophrenia. Now I know why I was diagnosed as one of schizophrenia patients. Right now I am working hard as I could to help myself to regain my life back. I’m a graduate in accounting but I’m not working as accountant due to my problem health. My problem is: can schizophrenia patient like to be married to someone and be a good mother. I don’t want to be alone with all my life. Please help me…

Answer
Dear Sister, Wa alaikum salaamu warahmatullahi wabarakatuh,

It is sad to hear your situation. However, there is always hope for a true believer. Schizophrenia is of different types. Without knowing which type of schizophrenia you are suffering from, I cannot tell you the prognosis. As well, the prognosis is not very good if the onset of the illness was early in life like in late teen age. If the onset is later in life, the prognosis to get rid off the illness is much better. In your case, it seems that you were doing well up until age 25. So, insha’Allah there is better hope.

Now, regardless of the severity of the illness, Schizophrenia is manageable, and many patients I know who were diagnosed as schizophrenic, are living an acceptably normal life, married and with children too. Many are very highly educated people as well.

So, with proper medication management, psychotherapy and good family support, you should do well Insha’Allah.

If you had told me some of the symptoms of your illness, it would have helped me understand the nature and severity of your illness to suggest more specific things for you to consider.

Anyways, if you need more assistance in this regard, please don’t hesitate to contact me at https://www.shifa.ca/, and go to the counselling page.

I pray for your well being Insha’Allah.

Name
Ishaq – Nigeria

Question
As-salamu`alaykum, please what can I do to have self-confidence?

Answer

Dear Brother Ishaq: Wa’alaykum assalaam,

A lack of self-confidence may result from many things, among which are: a family background where family members continually put a child down, scold him, make him feel worthless, inadequate, deprive him of love and care, etc.; consistent failures in daily life struggles, etc.

Here is what I generally prescribe as homework to people who have problem with low self confidence:

1. Write an autobiography detailing your childhood, your family life, your life experiences so far, and everything else that you think important in your life so far. It would help you understand how you got where you are at right now emotionally.

2. List on a separate paper all your weaknesses and at least 3 to 5 strengths. Allah (swt) has blessed us all with strengths and weaknesses. So, look hard for your strengths while you identify your weaknesses more readily.

3. Be grateful and pay thanks to Allah (swt) for the strengths.

4. Make a step-by-step goal plan of using your strengths in achieving your goals. Make sure that your goals are achievable. Break them down in small steps, and then take one step at a time without ever worrying about the end result. The end result – success or failure, is in the hands of Allah (swt).

5. Don’t accept from yourself any less than you can truly do, and accept at the end whatever the results are.

6. If you fail, pray to Allah (swt) for help and try again. Remember, the sincere efforts of a person never always go in vain.

Hope this helps. Contact me if you need further assistance at https://www.shifa.ca/.

Name
Aziza –

Question
Would you please try to give me some steps I might try to deal with depression? I live in a small town far from any Muslim help (mosque, community centre, etc.) and do not have access to a Muslim counselor of any kind. I have suffered from depression off and on since as far as I can remember (I am 51). Trying to be busy doesn’t help, neither does prayer or dhikr. When it hits me (depression) I am helpless to do anything about it. It makes many of my days like a hell. I would appreciate any help you could offer. Thank you and God bless you for your help and your time.

Answer

Dear Sister Aziza: Assalamu ‘Alaykum, Please read my earlier Answer to another sister on depression.

It seems that you have been suffering from depression for a very long time. It is also clear that there are times when you are not depressed, as you have said, “when it hits me”. What makes it hit you and how often does it hit you?
Considering that you have suffered from it for a long time and have survived well enough so far, you must have found some ways to cope and deal with it. You must have some internal strengths that help you deal with it. What are these strengths? Read my last response to a brother regarding Low Self Confidence. I have suggested to him some homework. You may want to try some of that yourself.

Now, if there is history of depression in your family, you are likely to be hit by it from time to time, but remember that you have survived it so far and can continue to cope with it, gradually in a more healthy way.

Getting some help with examining your beliefs and your mental attitude towards this depression may help as well. If you don’t have any counselors/therapists available locally, do contact me through my website at https://www.shifa.ca/ if you need further help with this.

Hope it helps.

Name
Amal – Egypt

Question
As-salamu`alaykum dear professor, I can’t help noticing how psychological diseases have increased immensely in our time. I was wondering if there is a relationship between what is happening in the world and the increase of mental disease. Thanks for your time.

Answer
Sister Amal: Wa alaikum salaamu warahmatullahi wabarakatuh,

Indeed mental illnesses and psychological problems have increased tremendously these days. Whereas, before they used to be illnesses of western societies largely, now all people in the world are suffering from more of these illnesses.

There are many reasons for this. One, in my view, is the fact that when a person becomes too materialistically oriented with all his preoccupations with him/herself and his/her short life in this world, one becomes more prone to emotional disturbances, because the larger perspective of life is lost. It is the light at the end of the tunnel that makes one keep crawling further and further in the dark tunnels of life. It is the hope that one day I will be out of this tunnel Insha’Allah and that there is a better life for me out there sooner or later. It is the belief that life is never total fun and happiness and that I have to have my share of disappointments, failures, etc., that keeps one strong and relatively free of these emotional disturbances. But, unfortunately we have lost this perspective, and consequently suffer from lots of emotional problems.

Name
Abdullah –

Question
My brother is 17 years old with severe mental illness since he was 6 years old. He’s now in the hospital with assistance from al workers but my mother wants him to live with us at home even it’ll be very difficult to deal with him and take care of him. She thinks that leaving her son in the hospital means increasing dependence on als and doesn’t allow him to communicate with others. And she is afraid if he left the hospital one day he’ll face a lot of troubles according to this dependence. What do you suggest, doctor?

Answer
Brother Abdullah, Assalamu ‘Alaikum,

I am sorry to hear about your brother. I think the Answer will depend completely upon the nature and severity of his illness. If his illness can be brought under control and managed through medication and a supportive and understanding family environment, then yes he can be brought home with regular assessment visits with the doctors. But, if his illness is unpredictable and cannot be managed through medication and other treatments, then it will be a burden on the family to manage him without proper knowledge of what is happening with him and how to handle it on a daily basis.

I am sorry, I cannot help you any more without knowing exactly the nature, history, symptoms of his illness and effectiveness of treatment so far.

Name
alen – Bosnia and Herzegovina

Question
Salamu’Alaikum Professor: What are the causes of mental illnesses in general? Are they hereditary or acquired in life? Jazaka’Allau khairan.

Answer
Wa alaikum salaamu warahmatullahi wabarakatuh:

The Answer to your Question depends upon which school of thought one comes from in the field of mental health.

Some, especially in the field of medicine/psychiatry, believe it to be largely hereditary and biological in nature. Other, especially in the fields of psychology/social work/faith, etc., attribute it to socio/cultural/familial factors, thereby disregarding the possibility of heredity and biochemical changes in the brain.

For me, the causes of mental illness may be either or both. In my practice, I don’t begin with one or other assumption, each person is unique and a true diagnosis can be only made by looking at his/her unique life and family, without putting him in preformed boxes of theories.

Name
Daughter-in-law – United States

Question I have a problem with my mother-in-law. She has an Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. She is obsessed with cleanliness, hygiene etc. although she does not realise she has a problem. She is constantly worried about germs & bacteria. I will give you some examples;

1. She will not touch an outside door handle, only with gloves or a tissue.

2. She insists that her cutlery, plates the table etc is washed properly whenever we go out to eat.

3. If you sit on public transport you have to get changed before sitting on her furniture.

I’m not going to even start on how she prepares food.

Anyway, when i first moved into her house, it didn’t really bother me, but now I have a baby & as you can imagine you have to be extra clean around the baby. I’m not able to bath her when I want, just in case she catches a cold, I cant feed her certain foods, I cant take her out as often as I would like, just incase she catches an infection. The list goes on. I am actually worried that this will affect my daughters growth, development, behavior etc. It is really frustrating me now & although I know this is a mental disorder, I am finding it very difficult to deal with.

She doesn’t accept that she has a problem, instead thinks we are all dirty and careless. How can I make her realize that we are all ‘normal’ & she is the one with the problem & she is making all our lives difficult.

Answer
Dear Sister, Assalamu Alaikum,

Please read my earlier Answer to another brother with OCD. OCD is often associated with and obsession with cleanliness and exaggerated worries about catching filth, germs, etc.

This disease is not easy to treat. Like in many mental illnesses, the older a person gets with this disease, the more difficult is to treat him/her, often because the person adapts to the disease and does not consider it as an illness.

Your worries are valid. If a growing child is subjected to these types of obsessive compulsive behavior towards cleanliness, he/she may acquire the same symptoms later in life.

I don’t know of your family circumstances, so making appropriate recommendations will be difficult for me. Before, I can make further recommendation, I need to know who all live in the same household, how are they affected by it and cope with it, how does your husband think and feel about your concerns, what are the possibilities of living separately, how old is your baby, etc.

But, you may wish to consult with a qualified al in your locality, and I am sure he/she may be able to make further recommendations to you in this regard. Or, contact me through my website at www.shifa.ca

One more thing, continue to be kind and caring with your mother-in-law, knowing that she has a mental illness and is not doing these things to make your life miserable. We pity, have mercy and deal with kindness with those who suffer from illnesses and problems rather than getting angry with them.

Hope this helps.

Name
Somana – Malaysia

Question
I always think life is more of a struggle and I feel bad about my self and life in most ways. At times, I feel complete despair. All my friends say that I’m probably depressed and I have to visit a psychiatrist, but only one of my friends told me that I have only to be more religious. What do you think?

Answer
Dear sister Somana: Assalamu Alaikum,

Life indeed is a struggle for all of us in many ways. But, it has its good moments. If one is not able to appreciate the good moments of life and is always brooding about its struggles and challenges, then one does need help. But, this also does not necessarily mean that one is suffering from depression.

What needs to happen is one has to learn different and healthy ways of thinking and responding to these struggles of life; and that is what I believe you need. Becoming more religious may mean different things to different people. But, if you begin to understand the teachings of religion about life and its struggles, then it would help you change the way you think about them and therefore you would respond to them differently, more healthily.

Hope this helps.

Name
Marty –

Question
I have a son who is acting really strange lately. We are a Muslim family and have been so for his whole life. We do all the expectations our religion calls for. Lately my son has started wearing an upside star on his neck and wishes to be called Satan. He wears black nail polish and has colored his hair black. He has put a huge lock on his door and plays loud music. The music has hateful lyrics and sounds awful. Last week we caught him in the house with three naked girls. We excused the girls and talked to him about the matter. He insisted the girls were itchy and he was merely trying to remedy the situation. We didn’t buy that excuse and grounded him. Because we have grounded him, he says he will put something in our food to poison us. Last night I caught him in the kitchen opening different bottles. I asked him what he was doing and he merely grinned and said he was looking for a drink. My wife and I are scared now. I asked him about it and he said he summoned all the demons in the universe to live within him. It’s crazy!

Answer Dear Marty, Assalamu Alaikum,

Wow, it is crazy. You have not told me how old is your son and how lately these behaviors have begun. But, from the sound of it, it is highly likely that he has ended up in some type of cult, or a company that thrives on these gothic, cultic type of thinking and practices. Depending upon whether he is into drugs as well or not, he may be quite dangerous to himself and to others.

You must seek urgent help from him from the local youth facilities and als. A proper diagnosis has to be made in order to understand the nature and origin of these behaviors, so we can come up with a treatment plan for him and for the family.

Sorry, without further knowledge, I am not able to make specific recommendations, except to be very careful about him and around him. I assume he is in his early teans, like 12-14 years.

Anyways, it is an interesting case. I have worked in a residential institution for severaly emotionally and behaviorally disturbed youth, and have seen many such cases in my 13 years of work there. With a change of environment and strict controls around them to ensure no drug/alcohol intake, and a structured life routines bring these symptoms under control quickly.

Have faith and hope. I pray for your his well being. Contac me at my website www.shifa.ca if you need further help.

Name
Manar – United Arab Emirates

Question

Thank you professor for this valuable session. My Question is rather how to prevent mental diseases and what measures can be taken by the muslim family to protect against them? I think that most mental diseases occur as a result of stress from environment eg: parents, peer pressure etc…

Answer
Sister Manar: Assalamu Alaikum,

Please read my earlier Answer to a sister from Egypt. I have explained my view therein of why are we suffering from an increased number of mental illness these days.

In another reply, I have also talked about the causes of mental illness.

Yes, environment, family background, heredity, biochemical changes in the brain, all may play some role in these illnesses.

Name
Muslima – United States

Question
Assalamu alaikum,
My brother-in-law has been having deep depression and hallucinations every since he was a teenager (he’s now about 27). My in-laws keep treating him with “religious treatment” but it’s not working! He needs al help, so what can I do to convince them to send him to a psychiatrist? There seems to be a cultural barrier (they live in the middle east and my husband and I live in America). I’ve already seen a person in my family commit suicide, and I don’t want there to be another. What is the best way to approach the situation?

Answer
Dear Sister: Wa alaikum salaam,

It sounds like his depression and mental illnesses has roots in his family background. Unfortunately, in many Muslim countries, these illnesses are not recognized as true illnesses and therefore appropriate treatment is not sought.
The only thing you can do is to continue to point out to them that the religious treatment has not helped so far, and that there is no harm in trying something different.
Make sure not to imply mental illness, because it would make them further resistant to seeking appropriate treatment. Instead, refer to the possibility of medical treatment and some medications that are now known to be effective in the treatments of such problems.
Hope this helps.

Name
Sara –

Question

I am the kind of person that is totally stressed out and very insecure. Anything that I do makes me stressed and I find it difficult to take decisions. I don’t know how to build an Islamic, calm environment at home. I want to put my soul in the kids. I am not sure about this and it makes me stressed. I am not that kind of a person that is very socially involved. I am a very boring person. No one seems to like being with bad and boring me. I try to meet people to learn how people talk to each other, but people are not interested in becoming friends with me, I am too stressed and they can, of course, feel it. No one seems to like being with bad and boring me. I feel I am a bad mother.

Answer
Sister Sara: Assalamu Alaikum,

The root cause of your problem seems to be a very low self image resulting in a lack of self confidence and a self damning attitude.

You need to seek counseling to get over these issues. If you haven’t already, find a qualified and experienced counselor locally to seek help. If you can’t, write to me if you like counseling long distance over internet. My website is www.shifa.ca

Name
Naqsh – United States

Question
Salam Alaikum,
I have a problem which really scares me. Sometimes when I am about to go to sleep or during sleeping something happens and all my body stops moving. I can’t move my body, I cant talk and I cant do anything except to open my eyes and look around helplessly. I sometimes even shake my head a little bit so that someone would wake me up because it scares me to death. What is it?

Answer

Brother Naqah: wa alaikum salaam,

Your situation is very common. Nothing to be scared of.

The time is running out for this live dialogue. But write to me at www.shifa.ca for further help.

Name
Mazen –

Question

Is there any islamic Schizophrenia Support Groups?

Answer
I dont know

Name
Tahira – United States

Question
Assalamu ‘alaikum Brother:

There are many areas of the world where armed conflict is ongoing. Too many of these areas are impacting Muslim children and consequently many are suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder – what can we do for those children? What is the best treatment – besides the cessation of armed conflict?
Jazakumallah khayran

Answer
Sister Tahira: wa’alaikum assalaamu warahmatullah,

It is loaded Question, but due to the time constraints, let me give you one of the solutions.

PTSD symptoms are relieved easily with a supportive and understanding environment. If we, the Muslims, can provide some immediate love, care, understanding and security to these children, women and men, it may be of great help.

Name
Yas – United States

Question

I have been through a lot of mental & physical abuse over the last 4 years. Basically my husband has been having an affair & every time I Question him, we argue & he ends up beating me. I lost a baby at 28wks & I blame my husband for this. We lost our house too over the last year. I gave birth to another baby, who was critically ill & stayed in hospital for 5months before I could take him home. All this is making me very depressed & now I sometimes get these thoughts in my head, that maybe its all my fault & Allah is punishing me for something I must have done in the past. At times I just want to end my life.

I am alone most of the time at home with my baby & I feel my depression is affecting the way I care for my baby.

An on-line counselor says I maybe suffering from Post Natal Depression. Is this possible as my baby is now 1yr old.

Answer

Sister Yas:

I am sorry to hear your plight. It seems to me that you have been suffering from depression and marital issues long before the baby came.

You need help. Please seek it locally through a qualified counselor. The time is running out for this live dialogue, so I can’t get into the details of your issues, but write to me at www.shifa.ca if you need further help.

Name
Anna – Ireland
Question

Salam alaikum brother,
May Allah keep, guide and bless you insha’Allah. I am revert to Islam of few months, alhamdulillah and I like to share that I suffered before very badly with depression, low self esteem and thoughts of suicide, since I become a Muslim, I still struggle but I find great grounding and strength in these matters, alhamdulilah for that. I understand Allah doesn’t accept prayers of the insane as they are not accountable for their actions and so I trust Allah will deal justly with such. My enquiry is in relation to my mental health, not clinical, but a developed personality disorder as most have due to difficulty in staying true to our intended nature in this life. I see many missed opportunities in my life due to troubled childhood and how much I was incapable to achieve. I feel so frustrated and limited yet with gifts of many talents and good intellect. Every time I under achieve even though I am able to do well, but lack will, motivation, mainly as result of fear of more bad, and wondering what is the point? My father suffers with manic depression and paranoid schizophrenia, my mother depression. So far, I had 2 suicide in my immediate family and many attempts as well as self harm. Perhaps I am scared to push myself in case I cant cope. I don t know really what my Question is.. just, feeling very isolated, I tried many times to talk with other Muslims about my fears etc, but usually they don’t understand…. I don’t even know what they can tell me! I just wish I had a friend to share this with but I am now alone 24/7 because I find no one to relate to and I am building a “safe bubble” around myself. However, I also suffer from guilt sensations of what I can do to benefit others, yet I fail to do anything.. I really know this is not a counseling session but I know there is peace in Allah. However long our life is .. just keep true to Allah, till true peace will come, Insha’Allah..

Answer

Sister Anna, wa alaikum salaam

We don’t have time to go into all the issues you have identified here. Please contact me at www.shifa.ca and I will try to help you further.

Indeed there is peace in the remembrance of Allah (swt).

Name
Marty –

Question

Thank you doctor for your Answer.. my son is 13 years old. My wife told me to tell you. In the summer we left our kid with a neighbor for one day. Anyways, when we picked him up the following day we were surprised to find our son playing with an Ouija board. We never thought anything of it but now this may hold some key to why our son is very different today.

Answer

Yup. Keep digging and you may find more of what he has been doing. Then seek help for him. Good luck.

Name
muslima – Canada

Question
Assalam alaikum.

My brother is showing some symptoms of schizophrenia such as paranoia, isolation, bizarre thoughts. He is not working or going to school. He lives alone in Europe. He refuse to go to the doctor. He refuse to complete his documents, so he can go to Muslim country where he can see a Muslim specialist. This situation was going on for more than 10 years. Al-Hamdulillah my brother prays, fasts and recites Qur’an. He cut all the contact with his family. He is so angry with my parent because of horrible childhood experience they put him through. My father abandoned my brother in a third world country where he did not know any one. Now he hates my parents. He do not listen to any one. What can we do about this situation?

Thanks for your Answer.
Answer

Dear Sister, wa alaikum salaam

He does need help. How is he managing by himself in Europe with such illness? He must have some ways he has developed to cope with this illness and survive. Ask him to get in touch with me if he likes, at www.shifa.ca. I can say much more at this time.

Name
malik – Guyana

Question

Salaamu warahmatullahi wabarakatuh:

I am Muslim living with a muslim wife form about eight years and now I am getting to dislike her very much. She is not a thinking person or a comfort to me except when I need sex real bad. I have a business and all she does is work. She has no ideas of her own. She would not say if my ideas are right or wrong. I would call her the slave with out a brain. She speaks a lot of bad things about me to her family. Her family is at war with her because she speaks bad things about me to them.

Answer
Brother Malik: wa alaikum salaam

It seems you need some individual counseling to help you evaluate your beliefs and attitudes towards marriage and marital life.

You also need some marital counseling thereafter to help you both resolve the issues.

Do you believe in receiving counseling? Do you believe there may be something wrong with you too that may need to be fixed? Think about it.

Name
Naq –

Question

Salaam Alaikum;

Sometimes when I am depressed my situation becomes horrible. I don’t like anyone talking to me and the depression continues for days. I cant eat anything and what ever I eat I feel like I will vomit. No matter how hard I try to make my self happy I still end up in the same situation. What to do?

Answer

Dear Naq: wa alaikum salaam

Have you sought any treatment for your depression yet?

There are some very effective medicines that would help control your depression, and then you can seek some counseling to learn to change your ways of thinking and your beliefs and attitudes about life.

Name
Editor –

Answer
Finally, we would like to thank Dr. Mohammed Sadiq for speaking to Islamonline viewers today, and we also thank all those who participated in this dialogue. We apologize for not being able to accommodate all the Questions within the time allocated to this session. If you feel your Question is very important, feel free to contact us at EngLivedialogue@islamonline.net and we will try our best to Answer your Question. We request our readers to join us in upcoming sessions.

Yours,
IslamOnline Live Dialogue Editing Desk